


Lonely Nights

by scisxac



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Mentions of past abuse, PTSD, Sad, Swearing, Trauma, brief mentions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22216972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scisxac/pseuds/scisxac
Summary: It’s late at night, the time that Isaac Lahey stares up at Derek’s ceiling and relives his past, wishing his father would have accepted him for who he is.Every night this happens, he hopes Derek won’t hear. Hopes that these thoughts will go away. But one night, Derek does hear. And it’s more comforting than Isaac expects.
Relationships: Isaac Lahey - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Lonely Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first proper fanfic so I’m sorry for any errors. This fanfic is mainly about Isaac Lahey, although it does have one or two ‘Disaac’ (friendship) moments.  
> Hope you all enjoy!<3

Isaac sighed as his eyes shifted to the dusty wooden clock he had on 'his' bedside table. In reality, it wasn't actually his. It was Derek's. Nothing here was his, despite Derek _insisting_ , _promising_ that it was. Isaac knew that Derek was never nice, not to anybody, _especially_ not to Isaac, the scrawny teen who didn't deserve _shit_. So, him saying these things was just Derek's attempt at showing sympathy. He knew of Isaac's past abuse and since he was Derek's beta, Derek, no matter how much he despised it, had a responsibility to _care for_ and _protect_ Isaac, and this is how he did it. Letting Isaac mope about depressingly in the loft, while he ignores him and works on finding Erica and Boyd. Isaac had tried to help -he really had- but his attempt landed him right in the claws of his pack members own kidnappers, the _Alpha Pack_.  
He made a weird noise, the lovechild of a scoff and chuckle. A scuckle. No..a choff? He shook his head, this is stupid. Losing his train of thought over the name of a _stupid fucking noise._

_You **deserved** the abuse._   
_It **won’t** get better. Not for **you**._   
_You’ll never **change**._   
_Disgusting **monster**._

Isaac didn't know why. Why he was randomly informed of these things. Maybe it was some sort of symptom from a case of PTSD. Maybe it wasn't. Instead it could be some _delightful_ section of his brain, reminding him of what he is, what he did, what he deserves. He knew it, deep, deep down, but he didn't want to show that. Everyone always told Isaac the abuse wasn't _his_ fault but he knew it was. If he just studied for _'once in your stupid fucking life'_ \- which his father screamed at him once during a 'disagreement' -and gotten that A, he wouldn't have been hit. He wouldn't have had a plate thrown at him, wouldn't have been almost blinded.  
Before he could be engulfed by his wreck-less thoughts, he was reminded of why he glanced at the clock in the first place. To check the time. See how long it was until he could _finally_ get up and put on his fake smile, pretend that it's all okay.

He knew he had insomnia. But he didn't want to tell anyone. Didn't want help. Didn't _deserve_ help. So, this is how he spent most of his nights.

_Alone. Cold. Overthinking. Crying. Hurting. Blaming. Bruising. Hiding._

He prayed, each night (despite not even being religious) that Derek wouldn't hear him in these lonely nights, even though Derek slept in the room directly above 'his'. The last thing he needed was Derek pretending to care for him.  
He didn't hate Derek really. In fact, he _wanted_ to be fond of Derek. To be _close_ with him. But he knew this couldn't happen. Derek was older, which means he has the authority, meaning if Isaac steps out of line, he will get beat. And he sure as hell knows he does _not_ want a beating from _Derek fucking Hale.  
_

  
3:04am.  
A tired groan filled the air, seeping into each gloomy, seemingly haunted corner. Nights like these were the worst. They just dragged on and on and on, like a boring maths class where nothing makes sense. But then again, does anything ever actually _make sense?_ Everything always seemed to go _wrong_ and this is why Isaac had lost his faith in the world long ago. The one _positive_ braincell in his broken, damaged brain spoke up and reminded him he only has around 4 hours until he can _get up_.  
Wonderful. Getting up. Putting on oversized clothes that could fit _five_ of him in, pretending to eat whatever Derek served him, not because Derek's food was bad - it was probably delicious- Isaac just doesn't like _eating.  
_ Then onto carefully shuffling to the bathroom, splashing water on his face and brushing his teeth, just to grab his useless bag and start the long, long walk to school.  
At the start, Derek _did_ offer Isaac a ride but Isaac didn't want to disturb Derek, didn't want to annoy him, give him a reason to _beat_ him. So, like any other rational person, he declined said offer. Isaac sighed heavily again. He hated this. The feeling of mental suffocation. The feeling of so many overwhelming, _negative_ emotions flooding in all at once- Isaac couldn't take it. Because of what he went through, he would always try to help _others_ \- never himself. He isn't good enough to deserve help- but when his mind went to places like these, the thought of dealing with another persons emotions on top of his was so _exhausting_.  
He felt wrong thinking that. Felt selfish, greedy in a way. He didn't know if others felt this way (He was too scared to ask- what if they got offended? What if they decide to _hurt_ him?) but as long as he kept _his_ \- yes, _his_. His emotions were the only thing that actually belonged to him at this point- hidden, then others wouldn't know he felt this way and he wouldn't get beaten and maybe, for _once_ in his life, he could be _happy_.

Except, he knew this wasn't possible.   
He didn't deserve happiness. All his life, he was told how he _didn’t deserve shit_ , how he was a _mistake_ , how his dad wished he was _never born_.  
Some of the more memorable quotes from his dad went as following:

"It's _your_ fault Camden died"  
"Why can't you be _obedient_ and _smart_ like your brother was?”  
"Your mother and brother left because they couldn't bare to be around you"

The last one was the one that pained Isaac the most. He knew it was true. Why else would his sibling and mother..'leave'.  
In reality, he knew the truth. They were both dead. It was Isaac's fault. Camden went to war to get away from him. Isaac's father killed his mother because she couldn't handle being near her demon of a son. This was what Isaac's dad had drilled into his head, anyway. Another quick glance of the clock reminded Isaac how long he had to think of _every single insult_ his father threw at him over the years. But _three and a half hours_ is too short. He would need _double_ that time to truly remember them all.

He didn't know what was happening. All of a sudden a new warmth, filled with protection and care, heated his body. He felt...strangely at ease. And for once in his short life, he felt _tired_.  
He rolled onto his side, curling around a never fully healed wound from his dad, clutching the cheap spare blanket Derek had found and slowly putting his head on the not-so-fluffy pillows.  
And just like that, Isaac _finally_ was at peace with his thoughts. He was _finally_ able to sleep.

Just before his eyes shut, he glanced towards the door and saw Derek.

And that's when he knew.

Derek's presence calmed him, made him feel safe. He smiled to himself as he drifted off.  
Derek was finally being the Alpha he always wanted him to be. Isaac was finally _safe._


End file.
